Cinderella's Valentine's Day-Draft one
On Valentine’s Day, Cinderella’s boyfriend, Bryan, makes a phone call to her in the morning. She is very happy to hear his voice, because she thinks that he doesn’t forget this important day of couples, but she is wrong. A few minutes later, Brian tells her that he wants to break up with her. Cinderella is very shock and she doesn’t want to believe it. She starts to cry; she also asks him the reason. Brian tells her that he likes boy, not girl. He also feels very sorry to her. A t the same time, Cinderella cries much louder, because she conceives a child, and the kid’s father is Brian. She is too sad to speak now. What a poor girl she is.
posted by Vivian @ 7:27 PM
7 Comments:
You're right. That's a bad ending.
"because she thinks that he doesn’t forget this important day of couples,"should be "...that he won't ..."
Wow!Your imagination is really good, but the end is out of my surprise!
我覺得She is too sad to speak now.
的 speak 應該用 say 吧
because 前不用加逗號
kid 的意思有較大的小孩的意思
baby比較好
On Valentine’s Day....我覺得這個有過去的感覺
用today is Valentine’s Day....較有現在是的感覺
1.she is too sad to say.
2.she doesn’t want to believe it.
→she doesn't believe it.
注意時態
我覺得你應該用過去式
that's it.
The baby has no father now...
Cinderella and her baby are poor.
1.because she thinks that he would forget this important day of couples
2.break up with 我覺得妳可以用戲劇化的字 "dump"
3.Brian tells her that he likes "boys"
4. I can't believe it. 真可怕…
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