Vivian's writting class

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Computers-draft one

The computer is the most influential invention of the twentieth century. They have already been widely used in our daily life. With it, we can listen to music, watch the latest movie, and play the online games, and so on. We can use it to make friends, such as get into the chat room, send the e-mail, or talk on the MSN. It can help somebody who are introversion to make more friends. Besides, through the computer network, we can get the new information, and do the homework quickly. Because of that, we can have more time to do other things which we want to do. We also can buy some things on the internet.
Though it is very convenient, it may harm our health. First, if we look at the computer for a long time, our eyesight may be injured. Second, the electromagnetic wave is not good for our body. Furthermore, person and person will become distant. After that, to sit on the chair to play computer for a long time, it may account us become fatter and fatter. Even if the computer have a lot of advantages, we may not use it too long, or it will make us become unhealthy.

8 Comments:

Blogger Debie said...

So, I don't know whether you like it or not.

5:15 AM  
Blogger Sally Sun said...

We also can buy
We can also

單複數動詞小心有很多要改

You should express how you feel about computers
like or dislike

6:01 PM  
Blogger Penny said...

we can listen to music, watch the latest movie, and play the online games, and so on.

這句的play the on-line games前面的and可以省略,因為你後面的and so on 這樣會有很多and!

在第一段的最後那邊你寫說"We also can buy some thing on the internet"然後就結束了!
應該可以再多做一些補充敘述不然會有草草結束的感覺!

主題句你是用老師給的嗎?好像要用老師給的那幾句喔!你在check一下!

11:13 PM  
Blogger Estella said...

person and person will become distant.

這句話可以換句話説嗎
我覺得這樣有點怪怪的
人與人的關係將會疏遠之類的


After that, to sit on the chair to play computer for a long time,

computer要注意單複數

4:50 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

...we look at the computer for a long time...
用 look at 好像怪怪的
我覺的用 use 或 play 其它的詞比較好

4:10 AM  
Blogger 邱暐心 said...

嗯嗯

8:39 PM  
Blogger 薪雯 said...

introversion好像是名詞耶

8:48 PM  
Blogger 林小雞 said...

you don't say you like or dislike
computet.

8:56 PM  

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