Vivian's writting class

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Helping People-Draft One

I live in Taipei and work as a volunteer in a hospital. It really feels good to get the opportunity to help people. Yesterday morning, an old woman who walked very slowly and not very well was in the hospital hall, there are a lot of people around her. Subsequently, she got injured by a fall. I went to support her with my hand at once, at that time, she wore a smile with appreciation and said “thank you” to me. Suddenly, I felt very warm and my heart was filled with the sense of satisfied. It was really unforgettable. Afterwards, I accompanied her to see the doctor, and also talk with her for a short while; both we were very happy. I have got a good experience; I think I will continue doing this job.

3 Comments:

Blogger Sally Sun said...

ㄧ句句子太長啦
short while; both we were
我建議分詞不要用
直接斷句啦

I have got a good experience; I think I will continue doing this job.

I have got a good experience,and I think I will coutinue doing this ...

2:39 AM  
Blogger Estella said...

not very well was in the hospital hall,

*not very well可以改成跛腳的之類的
用adv.

there are a lot of people
*there were

the sense of satisfied
怎麼令人感到變態變態的-.-??

寫多一點吧...

8:18 AM  
Blogger Debie said...

"there are a lot of people around her"should be "there were ..."

"she wore a smile with appreciation and said “thank you” to me"should be "...Thank you...."

"and also talk with her for a short while" should be "talked with..."

7:59 AM  

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